January 45th - S.A.D.

It's that time of year again. Yes, ladies and gentlemen (not that I really believe there are any males of the species reading this...) it's flowery, hearty, smoochy, kissy, freaking February. 

I hate to be one of the haters, but this month has a bad effect (affect?) on me. For all of you love-birds that enjoy this month and all that it entails, I say good for you. Love it up. That's what it's for, right? As for me and my house... errr... blog?... I shall serve the dark side.

I suppose that if I had someone to cuddle up to I might enjoy this stuff more. But it has been my under-privilege to have never shared one of the holidays of this particular period of time (that shall remain nameless) with a significant other. In past years I didn't mind it all so much. But as time has moved on I have become less and less tolerant. It has been some years now that this month - save two days only - has ceased to exist. I have adopted the practice of a former roommate and dubbed it an extension of January.

(For those that are curious, the only two days in the mythic month of February for me are the 13th - the Goob's b-day - and possibly the 23rd - my brother's b-day - (possibly because I don't know that he'd care all that much))

So, here it is January 41st and the blessed holiday approacheth... That's right! January 45th, Single Awareness Day! People can try and say that it's not just a day to celebrate romantic love, but love in general. I say phooey! Just look at the conversation hearts... As far as I'm concerned it's the time of the year that I am forced to remember just how single I am.

It is at this point in the post that I would like to clarify. I am attempting to be silly and amusing, so for those of you that are taking this seriously, here is your grain of salt. You're welcome.

To continue on a more serious note (seriously now...) I don't really mind it all that much still. It can be difficult at times because I get to see so much of what I really, really want in my life. Although my mother would probably be shocked, I do want very much to find the right man and fall in love. It's just a whole lot harder than the movies make it out to be. I think we've all had times where we've wanted something so badly that we'd give almost anything to get it. Well, this is my deepest desire. And it's just not happening.

I suppose I could rail against God or fate or something, but I think that it would all end up coming back to my doorstep in the end. My dreams will come true when they're ready to, meaning when I'm really ready for them to, and not a second sooner. It's the patience and the waiting that's the hard part sometimes. And it can be so hard to want to hope, because that means that you also have to wait instead of just getting on with things already and that can hurt so much.

Being a good little LDS girl, I believed every word in Young Women's when they told me that I'd graduate from high school at 18 and then get married and have a family. I was roaring and ready to go at 18, heading off to Rexburg to find my glorious future. Well, we can all see how that turned out...

I thank God that He had different plans for me and let me learn the things I have, and grow and develop in the way that I needed, so that I could be better prepared to live my life happily ever after. As much as I wanted it, I was definitely not ready to be a wife at 18. And I would have missed out on so many things that I really, truly needed in order to really, truly be me. I decided a few years ago that I might, maybe, be able to jump into that deep end of the pool that I would have drowned in almost 13 years ago. Maybe.

As it stands, I'm still waiting and trying not to hope too hard. I would love it if I could have a man that adores me tell me how thankful he is that I was born when my 30th birthday rolls around this year. It would be wonderful, I think, not to have to be searching for that special someone anymore. I believe that I'll really, really like it when I have a companion to share my life with. But I'll still be okay if I turn 31 and it hasn't happened yet. It just means that I have more work to do in my single state.

I know that God knows best. As freaking hard and painful and heart-wrenching and frustrating and discouraging and - I really could go on with adjectives, but I think I'll stop - as it can be, I know that it's going to work out for the best for me in the long run.

So Happy Holiday of This Month to all, whether it be the V-word (no, not that one!!) or S.A.D., try to make it a celebration of something.

PS - Teri, I know you're so proud!! Twice in one week! I'm on a roll! :)